Sunday, April 19, 2009

Introducing The Wonderful Loving Candi To You

Since all my last post have been so negtive and thats so not me . I decided to go back to the reasons why I started this sight ...To Bring Awarness To Lots Od Causes ...To Share My Ranch And The Anmials with you you alll ..To be the free loving person that I havnt been able to be (due to stress )
I have finally figured out that I can let the stress and ugliness consume me ...or I can be the persont that you all know me to be I chose to be ME and not let the ulgy nasty drama to consume me any longer
So with no more inturptions I am Introducing our newest member to the Ranch
That my friends is a Nubian goat ...bottle fed at that (no not by me ) and the sweetest lovingest trust giving heart taking Candi ..I mean look at those ears and her eyes how could one not fall in love with her
Candi is who helped me to rember who I am what I am about I mean you all here she is sweet and loving and trusting BOTTLE fed goat just trusting me loving me beliving in me in a matter of minutes I didnt have to act like nothing be nothing keep my mouth shut for nothing ...this lil goat is so so SWEET (Thats why we named her Candi ) and yet we both knew we were the click ..
I have to have the right anmail you know ..we the anmail and I have to meet each other in the middle somewhere for the connection that we will build upon ..I dont have mean anmails I refuse there is no mean here on the Ranch . Candi fit right in ...shes such a doll ..
I can tell you that if she loses sight of me she freaks out ...Bahhiinggg witch is so cute ...her Bahhhuhhh makes me giggle ..hers is defently diffrent from all my other goats ..but her like Skulls are weakings the are cared for by a humans not anamils they are truly special and the best goats I have ever had
We tried to Kennel Candi last night . Nope didnt work (more then you know she freaked out ) so I had to sleep on the couch and have her right there or she would bello like her heart is breaking .
I Would wake up with her on me ...Ohhh I dont wanna hear it she had a area that was prepaired for her to lock her in .but she had to have a phycal touch at all times of me ...I would fall asleep and she move I guess and I would find her on top of me ...yes I did you better belive it she is scared a new place with lots of anmails lol
ED and I are building a fence around dog house out there (Its Huge ) so that I can get her and Skulls out toghter ...have them bond as they grow up you know ...but Ed and I have to be careful we were given a pool .
We already have a coop a goat/pig pen now well have Candis Land ..Hey I kinda like that make the pen all bright and cheery that would wourk for me ....
We also still have to paint the goat house and coop but its been raning I been in a major funk that I almost drowned in
But as I siad before the goats need thier pen built I will take some pics to show you later until then rember there is no one better then you ...we all use the same tool boxes but our tools in life are diffrent ...dont brow beat or hurt epand those arms open up love live learn be suprized how drama dosnt matter when you take the plunge

Friday, April 17, 2009

A Delima With In My Mind

I am really worried about my Mom in the last month she has been in the hospital for drug overdoses ..I dont write this out in the public for my Moms dignity but the longer this crapp goes on the harder it is to understand
I rember growing up and Mom either always being drunk or high on pills or drugs off the street she was never there for any of my school fuctions and always beat me ..(I forgave her for these things long ago ) I had to the hate was eating me up I couldnt funtion at all ..
Then the last year my Mom has been in the hospital 13 or 14 times all in ICU and 6 or 7 times on the vent and life support ..One time I went rushing home and knew this was it with Mom but she pulled through it even though her heart is workin at 49% and she is in stage 1 liver fauiler
My husband and I have tried to get my Mom to come live with us so that I could care for her I am a PCA (personal care attendent ) and have been for 15 years or so but to my begging pleading crying begging some more my Mom will not come out to be with hubby and I ...when we can give her a better life here
My siblings are just horrable to my Mom I cant stand it one is POA and is sick and tired of Mom ODing all the time ..I did get my Mom to list me second on MPO (medical Power Of Attorney ) so that when Mom is left in the hospital I can direct what I want done here from Kansas
My sister is just horrable she talked to the docter infront of my Mom for 30 minutes telling them what a horrable person that she is cause she cant stop oding ...That was tacky and had all the staff treating my Mom not to good and looking at her like a druggie ..Im LIVID over this my sister should of had some cooth and took the docters out of the room ..besides that she is a drunk so hpw can a drunk judge a druggie ??? I dont do drugs ..I learned from my family they are all druggies .with the exception of my brother
Hubby and I went to Az to spend some time with my Step Mom and we were having a blast with my family there ...I was hounded by my moms side of the family I was dogged out and told I choose them over wait a minute how the heck do you choose family over family ...Then my Mom ODed again I was 1 state away but I wasnt going to go running for the docters nurses and cops were all involved and I knew that there would bed drama out where my Mom was I am Bi Polar and cant handle stress and I am on meds I also have panic attacks so to go to where Mom was was out of the qustion for me so hubby high tailed it home ...on the way home the police officer called me and wanted some information on my Mom I gave him everything that I had including a prior report number well he found out that mom is scared of my sister he asked me and I siad yes when she was drunk (I belive sister has hit Mom ) and said so mother told me so I was trying to protect Mom from abuse
Boy all them marbles went all over the place brother was mad at me after he gave the police my phone numbers and he told him to call me the heck can he be mad and cut me out of my mothers life and his as well ..Its ok to be angry with me and I can take the anger but the silence is deafning they are pushing me out I am the bad one for trying to prtect my Mom
I went to Az last month and I had one call telling me that brother is poa and that he wont call me and tell me nothing about my Mom and if she dies well tough nails cause I wont be called nor will I be given what my Mom has set aside for me .witch I dont care a rats tush about meterial things mean nothing to me at all I want my Mom
Now yes I am very upset that Mom cant give up her drugs even after being begged she refuses help and will do no rehab so I know that my Mom is going to pass soon
Whats the big deal I am angry and hurt and I dont know how to go about it or what to do about it ..I have been crying depressed mean not wanting to talk to no one besides my hubby I talk to him about everything
So the qustion is what do I do ? How do I help? How dose the anger go away ? even though I truly understand for 30 years my Mom has been doing drugs and its a monkey on her back
How do I get my siblings to see that even if they are mad at me that I deserve to have a part in my mothers life .Even if they dont want to be a part of my life? How do I stop the sinking feeling everytime the phone rings ? I just dont know !!!

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Just Things Going Through My Mind


I am here cause I have some things to get off my mind ,,,(and this is my only privite blog ) ..I dont even know if anyone reads these blogs or not ...but they help me rid myself of some burdons persay (I am Bi Polar) and I cant handle alot of things at the same time and I wanna eun them by myself to process them

The frist one is that my mother did have a heart attack but it was brought on by drugs (she is a drug addict to the core 30 years I know of ) I have prayed for her over the years but she wants no other life then being in a haze and not knowing who you are to knocking on heavens door ..( do you get into heaven for ODing) this has weighed heavy on my mind for months anyways when they took my mother in ..she was bruised her eye looked gauged out and the hospital was hollering abuse !!! Ok now let me give you a back ground my mother is on coumuidn (Blood Thinner) she has 2 replaced knees and a foot that has metal coming out of it ..she is to walk with a walker but she dosnt she falls all the time you touch her and she briuses ...well good ol brother of mine got called the police did too and they went to my Moms house ..found all sorts of pills there is where my brother gave them my name and number so that they could talk to me (why Im in Kansas I have no idea whats going on there ) all the while my Mom is at the hospital alone transfered and in ICU alone for 2 flippen days enough of that though the cops call me and I tell them the TRUTH that there is a anthor report and my sister has been accused of this as well ...well hell fire the world coming down cause I told the truth and the cop followed through on it the mean time my brother is getting ready to have a child and has just told me to take a flying leap I will never hear from him or if my Mom is sick or even if she dies he is her power of attorney ..slam the phone goes

Fasr Forward to present my brother whom I raised has had his child and has yet to call me to tell me about the baby a picture ...Oh Im so hurt by this I havnt been able to sleep ...and the only way I was able to see the pics of my nephew was to go the sight and see the pics the baby looks like my brother though ..but what a way to see my nephew ..I am really more hurt then anything and just need a place to blow some steam w/o it being thrown in my face just like brothers dad left me a email while all this was going on telling me he knows it is hard to keep my emotions in check cause I am Bi Polar ..oh did he ever piss in my weaties ...using Bi Polar to throw his crap in my face with the excuss of me being Bi Polar infurates me I am on meds I do caouncling I work on myself daily to be a good person then for him to throw Bi Polar in my face wants to make me vomit Bi Polar all over him ..he has no idea how bipolar effects me nor would he take his time to (so glad he is a STEP parent ) My Father passed of cancer 3 years ago july

Then there is my hubbys bobbleheaded family I am seriously talking bobbleheaded family I dont get along with nopne of them they are all fake get what they can out of you then talk caca on you while your back is turned ...Hubbys Bobbleheaded sister in law and I got in it over a dog that I got her off of CL I walked out I had nothing to say and all I could do was keep from rippong her tounge out cause I asked to go to a new conversatin but bobblekead couldnt she had to make her nasty vile mouth run and run

next day I called I thought I called hubbys brother to let him know I wasnt upset with him (even though he is spinless ) and I wouldnt stand in his way of seeing hubby I never have anyways I called bobbleheads phone 1 number diffrent between thier phones and bobblehead tole me she was going to kick my ass (ya right ) that I am all sorts of horrid words and I killed her sister that had cancer that she didnt have time (to get off her back ) or gas money to get their BULLSHIT I took care of her sister and she lived with us cause she was treated like a queen and never stole from while she was here ..just to ease your mind Diane passed in the hospital with me Hubby her nurse and her docter (I didnt kill her by putting a pillow over her head PERIOD )I would of took her cancer if I could there isnt a a day that I dont want her here to have her heartprint in the phycal life

So friday I was coming home from work and Bobblehead runs to the edge of the street and dosnt give me one bird you all she gave me two birds OMG I know she didnt she called me a chioce word I screamed back at her ..what type of outback woods BS is this ? To flip me off and LIE to hubbys brother then hubbys brother now wants to talk to him excuse me he has no back bone wasnt there and just wants to talk to hubby I am byind LIVID Bobblehead dosnt own that street (Its a major ome) and she wants me to go anthor way.her husband wants to talk to my husband (Hahaaahaaaa) hubby dont have time we are buildning a farm ..we are the real deal we wont lie stab or bring drama into your lifes we like smiles friends love honesty compassion respect we give what we are given

I just dont get it I work on myself daily I take my meds 3 of them I am in thearpy I do on line journaling and hand printed ones as well (the stuff I wont put on here ) I try to be the best person I can be I work hard on myselfr and have a amask I have thats protected me ..but right now I just dont know how to react (other then ripping tounges out ) it is hard not to write nor talk caca you know

Eventhoguh I have Bi Polar it dosnt mean you can be mean or do mean things then say that it is my Bi Polar and that is why I am the BAD ONE THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEMS WHEN I WORK HARD TO MAKE IT THOUGH A DAY LET ONLE PICK MY HEAD UP OFF THE PILLOW you have to love me not just parts of me it is so hard to explane I am not in it for the game the drama isnt welome here ...I am all that I am and that is all that I am

ON o Possitive Note here in the next few weeks maybe month or so I will be giving some very EXCITING news (No Im Not Preggers I Cant) but it will be worth the wait I have to do some resource I Cant Wait

Its Hubbys and my 19 year annnversy I will leave you with this pic

Thursday, April 2, 2009

A Catch Up For All Of You

Good Morning Sunshines

Frist before I start to blog I want to ask for prayers for Rodney ..he is in a sezior disorder place and they are inducing seziors and Rodney is whiped out .so if you could pray with me that god guide the docters hands and proceeders and are able to give Rodney a better quilty of life .

Now it has been wirlwind crazy busy with me for the last month or so

Frist Ed and I took a trip to Az to go hang out with Momma Shirley, I hadnt seen her since before Daddy passed so for Ed taking me out there to hang out with family that ADORES me was just the best

Momma Shiley and I stayed up late talking about Daddy and she told me lots of things that my Dad just loved about me one being my brown eyes ..Momma said that Daddy loved my eyes (Ive always hated them and wanted blue eyes like my Daddy ) she also said that Dad was so proud of me and that he never wanted Momma Shirley or I to lose contact (got you there Daddy )

Ed and Cutie Pie bonded ...oh it was a dagger through my heart I cried for I feel that I failed him as a wife by not giving him a child ...Momma says I didnt and that Cutie Pie is ment for US FAMILY to raise ..I kinda like that cause Cutie Pie is all that and alil more to me Cutie Pie has wrapped both Ed and I around her finger ..but whats so great is she loves unconditionaly and has no ill opion or will towards me ..thats the best a REAL sister that dosnt judge or spread lies or start drama with the rest of the family ...I do belive god blessed me

There is some HUGE news coming but since Momma Shirley has shit for family then I am not about to go to far into it cause they will start drama with her and if one lays a hand on her I am back in AZ with the full force of police to stop the madness and to make sure all go to jail for a long time that is if they are lucky enough for me not to get ahold of them

Ed and I had a blast in AZ and we didnt have no drama until my Mom had a heart attack then my whole family went bobblehead crazy and started blaming me for things I didnt do all the while my Mom was in the ICU on life support so Ed with Momma Shirleys advice packed our things and got in the truck and got the hell out of AZ

On the way home I was sick I had to have Ed stop so I could puke (Can we say nerves) anyways ED always stoped held my hair as I let loose never complained of the 100 stops he had to make so I could throw up ..then we get to NM and Texas oh my goodness it was a blizzard for 500 plus miles Eds doing all he can to get me home cause that was where I was crying to go HOME where I am safe from the ones who hurt me berate me and start drama

Moms out of the hospital and she is getting stronger but to be honest with you I am loosing my connection with that side of the family and I dont very much care my brother and sister in law had a baby and guess what they didnt send pics tell me or nothing I had to hear it from my MOm who has been very hard on me due to the LIES that my siblings LIES yes LIES

You see they think they are hurting me and to be honest yes they are but what they dont realize is Daddy Don knew this was going to happen he made sure Momma Shirley and I would be close and boy do I see why he devoriced my Mother ..and as hard as that was to type out it is the truth ..Daddy wouldnt lead me or Momma Shirley astray ...

I had a blast with Don as well my 1/2 brother and I look alike think alike treat people alike were so much alike it was fun just hanging with him and spending time and realizing that we are the same

Ed and I have been building a chicken coop well Steve as well and that is coming along just fine is done sept for we need to paint it and do some minor things to it Im loving it 4 dozen chcikens is what we have we still need to build roost and boxes but the chicks are still to small for that so we have alil time to get that done

I am selling Tiny Prince and Peggy Suie (Shes a caca Mom I am bottle feeding both her kids ) Skulls will be staying with me FOREVER he is like a lap dog and he hugs you with his head in your neck ...he is so so sweet I have 4 people off of criags list that want the goats so we shall see where that goes

I am going to Nats tonight to see my girl PUNKY it has been a minute since we last saw her and she defently has me wrapped

Oh speaking of wraped Ed got Cutie Pie A Easter Dress shoes tights a lil purse and a hat along with some easter basket stuffers I was so very proud of him he only got her one candy and Ed and I are finding ourselfs in the cloths section for girls all the time ohhh and ohhhing

I maybe buying a new car I hope I dont jinx myself but I am wanting this car so bad its a a hatch back camerie I need it to tranzport my anmails and thier feed I dont have to have a sporty car just a car to get me from a to b and to be able to haul stuff for the ranch

Thats about it in a nut shell I wanted to get this journal up so you could check the pics out that I put up and know alil behind the story

I will NEVER EVER go to Ca EVER so if you live in Ca I am sorry that is a state that I am staying away from far far away


Sunday, March 1, 2009

Peggy Suies Babys / Bottle Feeding Too

These baby kids were born the 26th of this month ...I now have 4 babys 2 girls ne nea and Princess who are strong and very frisky then I have two lil boys who almost didnt make it Tiny and Skull ...the boys reside in the house with me and my husband :) thing is this friday we are going to be leaving for Ca and Az to visit my sick mother and to go get my Dads stuff that passed of cancer ....and I have to take my Min Pin My Shitz too and the 2 goats who in thier right mind takes 1/2 thier farm with them ...that would be the Pita me
Why you ask I helped Glenda Suie have her big baby and Skull wasnt suckling Tiny was already in the house for he was born 4 days proior to Skull so I scooped him up (It was snowing ) brought him in the house cause Momma wouldnt take care of him clean him nothing so I steped it up a notch and cleaned him feed him and put him in a crate ...when Skull was born he was brealy breathing has birth goo all over him I did cpr cleaned his mouth out and he started breathing (Thank You God ) I still thought for a couple of days that we were going to lose him but he is getting stronger with every passing day
People may say I am crazy but Ed and I cant have children so our anmails are our children so I kinda always step it up for them
The reason I wont leave my goats and they will be going to Ca and Az is cause if anything happens to them I would loose my cookies all over the place and dont know if I could handle it ...its not saying that others dont know how to take care of my babys but I wont let Ed Steve or anyone feed them ...oh sure they can ...but It kinda like a momma loin with her cubs ...
I will be keeping Tiny and selling the girls and skull ...Tiny is the frist born boy and he is attached to me so I figured we could let him be like the dogs and run the yard and be the yard goat ...he is so sweet and has so meany kisses to give to you ..yes I taught him that he is very smart and quite good looking
So if you see a s-10 with a camper shell on it with babys that say Nahhhhhhh Nahhhhhh you know that Pita and ED just flew through your town next weekend ...wish us luck and me the patience that I need to get through the next couple of weeks
To all that read my blog your AWSOME I read alot of diffrent blogs myself heart soul and prayers are sent your way ....
Pitas Out In A Winter Wonderland (6 Inch Of Snow and Ice )

Monday, February 23, 2009

The Baby Goats Are Here !!!! Finally From One Goat

These are all the anmails on the ranch well that dosnt include dogs cats birds turtles and fish
WE are now waiting on Glenda Suie to have her kids...were hoping it is real soon cause ED and I are taking a trip to Az and Ca ...Ca because my MOm is to sick and we dont know how long she has and AZ to go pick up my Dads stuff (he passed 2 years ago July ) I will do anthor post with the other babys then I will do a jounal before we leave for our trip I just wanted you all to see the joy that is bouncing out of me I mean come on look at those babys look at Bella and how much she has grown life on the ranch is PERFECT for me
Pitas Out
Oh the baby names are Lil Boy Lost and NeNea Moms Name is Peggy Sue Glenda Suie is the one were waiting on babys from Nina is the pig and Buddy is the babys Daddy

Monday, February 16, 2009

Angel Diane

How I miss you and how things are not the same with out you ...somehow I lost my zest for life I feel I fail you and cancer defeated me not only with you but with Daddy Don too ...Oh I know there are lots shaking thier heads saying how long will it take to bang into Pitas head that its not her fault ? well honestly iy dosnt matter cause that is the way I feel from day you took flight and I had lots of plans lots of things we were going to do lots of things that we did do too ...How I wish we could of got a RV and went travling around the world ...How I wish we didnt have to deal with drama from the same people who give me drama and tell me that it is my fault that you died or that its my fault I kept you away from them ...stuiped ass people should know by now that no one could tell you what to do let alone how to do it ...your spirit was to strong and yes Diane you are BULL HEADED
Ive been doing alot of thinking latky and there are some memorys that just make me laugh and others that make me cry and then still other memorys that can still make me sick to my stomic my have been 4 years but Diane I can rember your smell (Thanks to the perfume I have of yours ) I can rember your kirky attuide and I can rember the depth to your eyes I rember your voice and your heart I rember almost every lil detail about you ...and I never want to forget them details either
I bet you Eva will spit out her coffee on this one ...rember it was me you and Eva going for your chemo ...I do belive it was Evas frist time to Kansas ..and frist time to a Chemo ...well you and I were set with the nurses and Dr Khun lol I rember us telling Eva what a good looking man your docter was when he walked in we asked him to bend over so that we could see his ass ...I can rember the 3 shades of PURPLE not red that Eva got ...she couldnt belive that you or I would ask your cancer docter to bend over this day I dont understand why we wouldnt want to check Dr Khuns ass out (By the way ladies you can ask Eva Dis docter had the ass!!)
I also rember we were in the hospital oh I dont rember how long it was this time we spent so much time in the hospital toghter ..but you were getting ansy and didnt want to go out in a wheel chair I got all your lines and you on top of the IV Pole (You were only 90 some pounds) and I took you out ...frist we started slowly then there was no holding us back we both had hospital fever we started doing tricks and wheelies (yes you can on a IV Pole ) we went down hills all over the hospital ...we were free (well as free as we could be at that time ) we were doing what we wanted to not what the docters or nurses wanted us to do that time it was the only joy that we had in that hospital stay
I rember the wheelchair races as well how I would push you as fast as we could go and the wind running through our hair the smile on our faces and the laughter in our hearts ...then are the times that mean so much to me and me making the best out of the cancer situation that we could ...we were always joking and laughing when you were well enough .. but there were scarey times too times I thought that I was losing you or times you were so sick I couldnt help you I needed help ...those are times that put a pit in my stomic and a hurtin on my heart ...those are the times that I truly feel defeated with you cancer
Di I miss all your docters and nurses too cancer sucks shit but let me tell you that I want to be in that world ...everyone loves everyone cares everyone works toghter to get where we need to be there is no judging there are no snickers there is so much support care and love that it makes the REAL WORLD seem lacking in so meany ways you know ? Just to jump in and work side by side with everyone would do for me (if only for an hour) how is it so that I miss this part of my life and treasure it so Di ?
I wish we could talk ...I have so much to talk to you about ...I need your out look and your opipon on things that are going on ...I need your insight I have been basically hiding not talking to no one not wanting to talk did you get into my heart this way???? How is it that I have damn good friends but no one measures up to you ? How is it that I have a sister ( that I cant stand) but consider you my sosta from anthor mother ??? How is it that you got Daddy Don with you and I am left on this earth with out the 2 most infulental people in my life living it up in the streets of heaven ? Why did I get stuck down here with out you two here ( Its so unfair ) I know my days are numbered but what if I told you that I wish my number was up I aint going to do anything to hurt myself I just want to see you !!!! Greedy I know but truly the way I feel !!! I have WONDERFUL friends that keep me grounded but Di they arnt you ..dose that make any sence ...
Di how was your valentines day ? mine was ok but I couldnt get you out of my mind ...I was working the Ranch and got tired and sat down with the goats wondering if you would be willing them to have thier babbies ...wondering if you would be telling me witch baby goat you wanted ? My mind drifted to all sorts of places and before I knew it Lady Di I was crying no sobbing ...the cancer taking you is so unfair took you from all of us your family your girls and your grandbabies so so unfair should be here ...but while I was with the goats crying I felt a lil whisp of air brush past me and I knew it was your butterfly kisses you promissed me...I FELT YOU !!!! I COULD SMELL YOU OVER THE GOATS !! it was as if you were wiping those tears away cause they wernt needed (as far as you would see )
Later on today I am going to be sending you some balloons to heaven you be looking for them OK they are two hearts symbolizes my heart and yours the balloons will be tied together and hopfully arive to you togther ...I know youll like them thats forsure and thats all that matters to me
Even after 4 years your still freash in my memory and your thought of everyday Lady Di ...I try to keep your memory alive with in my life (Dont care about others that are nothing but problems to me ) today you left 4 years ago ...4 years ago my heart shattered and never has been the same ...nothing is the same nothing will ever be the same your not here
To all Diane Fans I would love your memorys of Diane and how she touched your life or changed you ..if you so feel inclined to send balloons send them to Daine she will love them and probelly share with the rest of our angels (Thats just her you had to really know Diane )
The other journal I wrote that you cant see right click your mouse and selet all and youll be able to read that post as well
Diane I love you forever Mostest and BESTEST you truly have changed me and my life for the better
Your Loving Pita
Missing you so much
Happy Angelversy Day I know you and Daddy will be celebrating !!!!! Can you give Daddy a big ol hug from me and tell him I miss him more then words can say

To all who read this blog I am waiting on my goats to have thier kids then I will blog on that until then here are some feelings from my heart

Pitas Out

Monday, February 9, 2009

Thoughts For Dad In Heaven

Good Morning Daddy

Boy there are alot of things going on ...frist I want to tell you that Ed and I are leaving for Az and Ca to see our familys

The reason to go to Ca is that Mom has been having a hard time with her heart and liver (Moms in the hospital right now )

To be honest Dad I dont know how much longer Moms heart is going to hold out much less her liver ...we all thought she was doing pretty good and Mom ended up in the ER Saterday night ....

Dad I am scared so scared for not only Mom but for me as well I am in no way ready to be parentless ...

Ed and I were going to go just to see Momma Shirley and Cutie Pie but Ed was like Racquell were going to be so close we dont stop in and see your Mom and somthing happens youll never forgive yourself and he is right ...Ed is alot like you in your thinking ...hes right just like you were always right if I wanted to believe it or not wonder I am so deeply in love with Ed were right you couldnt of picked a better man for me :)

I cant wait to go see Momma Shirley ...even after all this time that you have been gone Dad I have kept in touch with Momma Shirley and Don and made sure that they know that I love them ...I even talk to Cutie Pie on the phone Daddy she is so smart and has so meany of your triats ...she even has her desk that set by your desk and everything is the same as it was while you were here with us

I was talking to Cutie Pie about the goats havong thier babbies and Cutie Pie wanted me to bring them I told her that I couldnt cause they would Poopoo to much ...she idmedity tells Momma Shirley that I cant bring the goats cause they poopoo to much ...I about died Momma Shirley and I laughed so hard ...Dad to be honest that is the frist time I heard Momma Shirley belly laugh since you have flown off to heaven tickeled me thats for sure more ways then you will ever know

Ed and I are leaving the 6th of March and we might be gone almost 2 weeks ...not only do we need to get out to family but Dad I need to breath

Dianes angelversy is coming up and it is a STINER I never knew how close Diane and I were ....we were very close and to know her angelversy and her favorite holiday is sneeking up on me Daddy is just a big ol hurt that I try to hide from I cant find good memorys to cover the hurt of my heart ...can you tell her that I miss her

I just wanted to touch base with you and drop my feelings and heart off (Didnt I always do that when you were here with us ) your the one who would give me the truth if I wanted to hear it or not and you would make sure that I got the point and understood ...I dont understand anything or the hurt or how I can stop longing to be with you and Diane Grandma and Uncle Keith and Grandpa ...dang thats almost our whole family I am feeling jipped and very sad I cant shake it ....thats why this trip is so very important to me ...

The only thing I wish is that you would be sitting at your desk doing work when I walked in the door ....I know its not going to happen but that is what I want to see and I want to feel your big teddybear hugs around my waist

Daddy I love you miss you wish you were here and need you more then you know

All My Love

Your Loving Daughter



Sunday, January 18, 2009

Lil TidBits Here And There Along With Everywhere

Here is Bella she is 3 months old and is a real spit fire ...she is a mess and has a attidue to go with her lil self ...she has been a joy to have and she keeps a smile on my face ...I never knew I could love a DOG the way that I love Bella
Bella is almost potty trianed not with #2 I dont think she knows that its also a form of going potty ..Bella can almost jump on the couch and she jumps and literlly runs all over the other dog but not my cats heehee I guess them claws hurt
The other night we ordered her a PET CRIB oh yes I stinking did ...when I get it I am going to repaint it and put Princess Bella and also make her crib into a princess bed I dont spoil my anmails at all
Bella has grown ALOT and she has found her voice her lil bark is so sweet I always smile when I here it ...she is still not sleeping all night long ..its about 3 or 4 that she wakes me up and I come out to the couch to let my Hubby sleep ...she runs around eats and goes back to sleep ...its not much help to me cause I cant go back to sleep silly Bella
Ive had to start putting Tard my old man dog hes 12 in our room and put bay gates up cause he wants no part of Bella and is very grumpy ...I know he would bite her so I have to keep a good eye on them

The other Pic is Shades ...he was brought to me in a very special way see Ill tell you a story ...My Dad that passed had a lassa and I fell in love with his dogs an I always wanted one Dad told me for my birthday that he was going to get me a Lassa ..well he found out that he had cancer and the dog took a back seat for all we wanted to do was get him better and in remission ....well that wasnt to be for the cancer took Dad he passed in July ...then in Oct when my birthday is like 5 days before one of my friends asks me if I want a abused dig that had been run over (But was fine ) I was told Shades was a LIl dog me always wanting a lil dog didnt say anything I already had 4 dogs at home ...Chris brought Shades in and Shades makes a beelinf to my lap and refuses to leave it realixe Shades was in Horrid codition when we got him it took me 5 baths just to get him not to stink and anthor 3 with cinditioner to comb him out ...but as I was washing him I noticed that Shades looked like Daddys dog Sparky ...I knew then that Shades was sent to me by my Dad from heaven he was keeping his Birthday promiss ro me he had got me my dog ...I dress Shades and Bella I Groom Shades (Am still learning to groom him ) I take him and Bella with me when I can ...they are my chidren only with four legs you know ????
I am quite the anmail person ..I dont know if it is cause I cant have children or if its cause I can see thier souls through thier eyes ..either way I dont have any plans of getting rid of any of my anmails
I am Sad today too ...let me back up ...Ill fill you in on some history with my husband and I husband and I raced at I 70 Speedway and we raced for a cause and brought money and awarness to a very number of things cancer blindness MS Caringbridge ..hugs and hope and we featured children who have cancer as our very own Pit Crew ...the kids got to make deccisions with the race truck and events that we did ... one of our Pit Crew was Zack F and this lil man made up the saying cancer sucks witch we proudly displayed on the back of our Race Truck helped keep oir drive going ..well a couple days ago Zack grew wings and flew off to be with the other angels in heaven ...To be honest Zack hit me hard hard Zack fought nurablastoma for 9 stinking years 9 flippen years and beat it !!!! Then a couple months back he told his parents that his cancer had come back ...and yes my friends it came back like a frieght trian it was unstopable it just took over to a point cause Zack has his own way of doing things and he left this earth on his own terms .. I am saddened casue Zack was the one that made it it didnt matter what was thrown at him he always beat the odds ....this time he didnt ...I cant even imange how his parents feel or how thier world has been rocked ...nothing is the same they lost thier son .....its uncomprehenable to even know thier pain ....
could you go to Zacks and leave your thoughts or prayers I would really apparate it and I know his family needs all the support that they can get
Did you all know that Ed and I by summer will be looking to foster a child not only foster but adopt if possable ...we looked into adoption and it is very coastly and honestly I dont think a price should be put on any chids head for any reason expecally the prices that are put on these buitful children ....ya thats my oppion and isnt it great that we all are diffrent somthing that is great that we are all diffrent ...could you imange a world with a million trillion yous ? I couldnt
Im also upset with my roommate he isnt helping in the house he needs a LIVER TRAZPLANT and I go to all the docters with him ask qustions and help with whatever I can ...well were both overweight and we had a pack since he has to lose weight I would walk step for step with him ...I just got back from Saint Louis for his LIver Tranzplant Team and we discuessed how we were going to diet to gether and go to the gym and work out ...well he got home from Saint Louis and told his family and they have been taking him to the gym (The gym ) these are people that dont have time wont help with the Liver docters or nothing but they take him to the gym and leave me out to say I am livid is byond the fact today I am going to tell him he needs to have them go to the docters and care for him when he has the Liver Tranzplant cause I am not going to when he lies and plays games with me may sound mean and I dont care but I wont be used ...he told me well for 78 a month you can get Ed ma and you in ....ummmmm excuse me dont want to buy a mebership but you want me too when he wount even take me to the gym as we have planed ummmmm NOT on his life will I buy a membership for him PERIOD I didnt do the drugs to mess my liver up why should he hold me up ?
I am a PCA and a Darn good one at that and I wont be played fooled or used in anyway PERIOD he broke the pack unless he fixes it then I am out ...sounds mean yes but when you been a PCA for the last 10 or 12 years you know a user when you see one ...I mean we moved him into our house to care for him and he dosnt help with NOTHING he gets up and eats then sleeps then once in a while hell go to work grrrrr I didnt realize I was so angry with him
I am Bi Polar so maybe that is why this whole thing seems to get my goat
Plus Zack growing his wings it just seems alot is on my plate ...
At least I am able to talk to my husband ...hes my life saver in more then one way in April we will be married for 18 years thats a long time but I couldnt imange being with anyone else My hubby has been my rock through it all he never fails me and loves me like no other could
Ok thats about it I will be coming back more !!!!! Promiss and I will share pics of my goats and pot bellied pig next time
Pitas Out