Tootie

Well Tottie did'nt fair well with her frist pragancy ..she had 2 baby's that wernt fully devolped and they were born sleeping ..it started Friday afternoon (late afternoon ) Tottie was bellowing and hollering and hunching in the goat fashion to be bringing some baby goats on to the Ranch ..I spent most my time with her Friday (till it got to cold for me ) just before I was going to call it a night and go in Tottie delivered her frist sleeping baby (so heart breaking ) she was freaking out ..My husband had to grab the baby and help her deliver it (usally I do all this but being in a 1/2 air cast boot I couldnt get in the birthing center we have set up )
After Tootie had that baby she was worn out but still contracting ..I ran to the house got a old blanket went to the barn got some sweet grain and some whole corn (Totties favorite ) got her some freash cold water ...I set it all up sat with Tottie for alil while and came in ..she so needed to calm down and rest ..Ed and I checked on her before we went to bed ..turned on the heat lamp (just in case she had the other baby in the night )
Ed and I got up and were outside e Tottie in the birthing center when we noticed that she had delivered anthor baby ..this one was smaller and was not devolped ..Oh she was SCREAMING HEART WRENCHING cries looking for those sweet babies ..Oh I cried I heard her heart break I heard the where are my babies cry ..Ed and I decided that she needed to come out of the birthing center ! We let her out she has been all over the yard looking for her babies ..I know this is the way that nature takes its corse and I have been riduclued for caring about these baby goats born sleeping ..I was asked why am I so upset over losing 2 baby goats ..well it is as simple as can be ! Ed and I dont have children (my fault ) and our fur babies are our kids ..with every up and down we have we document it all feel it and go through it with our fur babies just cause they are not kids to them dosnt mean they are not kids to us ..everyone lives loves and thinks diffrent then the next person and that is why the world goes around the way that it dose (my dad always told me everyone has the same tools we just have diffrent tools ) I think that is accurate! Just cause I think that the statement is true dosent I have to want to use the other persons tools you know ?
So Tootie lost the babies it is hard for her as well as us ..for I am going to use my anmails to bring awarness to diffrent causes ..then when I get my BA in 3 1/2 years I will use my anmails as a tool to reach children that are abused have mental disorders or just children that need alil love ..I have grand plans I have a whole world out there that needs alil loving touch you know ? so to lose these babies is a big loss to me ..no one understands my heart my drive ..they cant grasp that this is more then it looks ll of this is done for the betterment of me and others that my anmails will touch in the years to come. It is so hard to explane my heart my drives my wants my needs as well as Lil Totties or my other anmails ..
So today we love on Tootie and keep things going here on the Ranch for the future and my dreams

Catching Up With You

Well well well it has been quite awhile since I have been here to blog land ..I think I kinda shut down for a lil while ..there has been alot that has happened since I last blogged anywhere . Sure I keep up with all my blogs I follow and send happy mail out but that is about it !

I have yet again lost a client to cancer :( T is in the nursing home getting ready to do treatment ( there dosnt seem to be much hope ) I have fallen and really did a number on my ankel it has been 3 months and it is still swollen and hurting real bad ! I dont know if I am going to have to have surgery or not (I will come and let you know ) as of right now I am in a 1/2 boot cast for 6 weeks with a EMG on the 23 to see if there is nerve damage or not ....

Ed (My wonderful hubby ) and I have not went any further with adoption ..it is still talked about (ALOT) but right now it isnt feesable for us ...(its gods time )

Ed has been accepted into College ! Im so proud of him this is HUGE ..he is going for computers and I am waiting on my w-2 to take to college and get my classes ..so I can start my journey to going to school to be a councler :) hopfully it will come in this week :)

Here on the ranch all my girl goats are getting ready to have babies ..Kandy Kamel (her pic is down the line of post ..Chiva being my smallest goat (who is TINY TINY ) and Tootie Mea is alos about to pop (Tootie is Kandis frist baby ) I am over the moon with the goats ...

We lost Lucy our one eyed duck we dont know if she flew off or if a wild anmail got her :( I have been having this one dream over and over again that Lucy flies home to us and all is grand I hope and prey that she is ok ...she is a percious gift of Eds and mine and we can hardly stand her being gone away from us ..but she was also wild (shes a mallard ) and if gods plan is to have her free then that is the way that it is ...even though we miss her lots we both believe that our girl is flying high in gods skys

We also lost Duddy his eye got worse and worse and infection traveled to his brain :( there was nothing that we were able to do the vets dont really care for domisic ducks they rather put them down break your heart and tell you to get anthor ..Ed and I gave Duddy our all but God desided that he needed him in heaven more then we needed him here ...so he went to heaven ..to our heart breaking suprize

We did go get anthor duck .....Dobbie then we resuced a duck from some kids that were running around holding the ducks neck ..her name is Baby ..Dobbie and Baby hooked up toghter and are best friends and hang out in the duck pen together

I have had probelms with my husband family disrepecting me badly very badly but Eds sister sat and wrote Ed a letter so I wrote her back (Ed is in no way close to his family at all ) I told her of all of the happenings on the ranch and what Ed has been doing ..that got me to thinking HARD..if Eds sister sat down to write Ed a letter and tell him what was going on then it was up to me to stand up and do a reply letter to her ..in turn got me thinking about Eds brother and the way that I have let Ed stay away from his brother for my selfish perpouse and gain ..Now Eds brother has said horrable things to me just horrable and I let it keep Ed from his brother . Regaurdless of anything Ed has a brother and Ed chose me there is nothing that either I or the brother could change so I have been pushing Ed I even went to his brothers house ..this is uncharted waters that have burned me before I am not going to just jump into it ..I will not tell him I love him or anything I will support the realtionship of the brothers nothing more ...I do not want to be told I am not a woman nor family I gave no children again I wont set myself up to fail nor will I allow anything to enter my heart on brothers or wifes side ..I mean it was 2 1/2 years that we didnt inner act with them ..I was content but it is not about me it is about realtionships beyond anything ..life is to short to walk around with the grudge in the heart to be happy that a family is broken is wrong so wrong not to step up to fix it would be PATHIC (even when there is so much disrespect that it reeks ) I ask for nothing other then for Ed to be involved in his familys life to soak up thier love and interact ..with the potental to burn I am scared but I must press on push Ed to be in thier lives ....

Couple of months back I went to Vi to travel with a deer friend ...it was a wonderful drive the beatuy from here to Vi is AMAZING (gods gift ) I was so frazzeled to enjoy it fully and I missed out ..it is hard to put all this out for you all to read ...but maybe some one out there is having the same things go on or maybe not may they need to read the trails to see that there lives my be wonky but the next person is muddling through stuff too ...

To tell you what keeps me sane ??? well since I stopped all head meds and deal with Bi Polar head on and my anixty head on ..I have my girl friends come over and we do crafts to send across the miles to our adoption friends our cancer warriors we so lovely support to out CF friends to our blind friends to our MS friends we send every last thing we do to any of them plus our FB pals ...when I am doing for others I feel so full so fufilled .. when us ladies know that our crafts go across the miles and bring smiles it makes everything so worth it ..bonus I get to spend time with ladies that are near and dear to my heart and share the love with them ..it is better then any pill or any doctor out there ..in life there comes a time where you have to grab life by nose and face it head on