Sunday, April 5, 2009

Just Things Going Through My Mind


I am here cause I have some things to get off my mind ,,,(and this is my only privite blog ) ..I dont even know if anyone reads these blogs or not ...but they help me rid myself of some burdons persay (I am Bi Polar) and I cant handle alot of things at the same time and I wanna eun them by myself to process them

The frist one is that my mother did have a heart attack but it was brought on by drugs (she is a drug addict to the core 30 years I know of ) I have prayed for her over the years but she wants no other life then being in a haze and not knowing who you are to knocking on heavens door ..( do you get into heaven for ODing) this has weighed heavy on my mind for months anyways when they took my mother in ..she was bruised her eye looked gauged out and the hospital was hollering abuse !!! Ok now let me give you a back ground my mother is on coumuidn (Blood Thinner) she has 2 replaced knees and a foot that has metal coming out of it ..she is to walk with a walker but she dosnt she falls all the time you touch her and she briuses ...well good ol brother of mine got called the police did too and they went to my Moms house ..found all sorts of pills there is where my brother gave them my name and number so that they could talk to me (why Im in Kansas I have no idea whats going on there ) all the while my Mom is at the hospital alone transfered and in ICU alone for 2 flippen days enough of that though the cops call me and I tell them the TRUTH that there is a anthor report and my sister has been accused of this as well ...well hell fire the world coming down cause I told the truth and the cop followed through on it the mean time my brother is getting ready to have a child and has just told me to take a flying leap I will never hear from him or if my Mom is sick or even if she dies he is her power of attorney ..slam the phone goes

Fasr Forward to present my brother whom I raised has had his child and has yet to call me to tell me about the baby a picture ...Oh Im so hurt by this I havnt been able to sleep ...and the only way I was able to see the pics of my nephew was to go the sight and see the pics the baby looks like my brother though ..but what a way to see my nephew ..I am really more hurt then anything and just need a place to blow some steam w/o it being thrown in my face just like brothers dad left me a email while all this was going on telling me he knows it is hard to keep my emotions in check cause I am Bi Polar ..oh did he ever piss in my weaties ...using Bi Polar to throw his crap in my face with the excuss of me being Bi Polar infurates me I am on meds I do caouncling I work on myself daily to be a good person then for him to throw Bi Polar in my face wants to make me vomit Bi Polar all over him ..he has no idea how bipolar effects me nor would he take his time to (so glad he is a STEP parent ) My Father passed of cancer 3 years ago july

Then there is my hubbys bobbleheaded family I am seriously talking bobbleheaded family I dont get along with nopne of them they are all fake get what they can out of you then talk caca on you while your back is turned ...Hubbys Bobbleheaded sister in law and I got in it over a dog that I got her off of CL I walked out I had nothing to say and all I could do was keep from rippong her tounge out cause I asked to go to a new conversatin but bobblekead couldnt she had to make her nasty vile mouth run and run

next day I called I thought I called hubbys brother to let him know I wasnt upset with him (even though he is spinless ) and I wouldnt stand in his way of seeing hubby I never have anyways I called bobbleheads phone 1 number diffrent between thier phones and bobblehead tole me she was going to kick my ass (ya right ) that I am all sorts of horrid words and I killed her sister that had cancer that she didnt have time (to get off her back ) or gas money to get their BULLSHIT I took care of her sister and she lived with us cause she was treated like a queen and never stole from while she was here ..just to ease your mind Diane passed in the hospital with me Hubby her nurse and her docter (I didnt kill her by putting a pillow over her head PERIOD )I would of took her cancer if I could there isnt a a day that I dont want her here to have her heartprint in the phycal life

So friday I was coming home from work and Bobblehead runs to the edge of the street and dosnt give me one bird you all she gave me two birds OMG I know she didnt she called me a chioce word I screamed back at her ..what type of outback woods BS is this ? To flip me off and LIE to hubbys brother then hubbys brother now wants to talk to him excuse me he has no back bone wasnt there and just wants to talk to hubby I am byind LIVID Bobblehead dosnt own that street (Its a major ome) and she wants me to go anthor way.her husband wants to talk to my husband (Hahaaahaaaa) hubby dont have time we are buildning a farm ..we are the real deal we wont lie stab or bring drama into your lifes we like smiles friends love honesty compassion respect we give what we are given

I just dont get it I work on myself daily I take my meds 3 of them I am in thearpy I do on line journaling and hand printed ones as well (the stuff I wont put on here ) I try to be the best person I can be I work hard on myselfr and have a amask I have thats protected me ..but right now I just dont know how to react (other then ripping tounges out ) it is hard not to write nor talk caca you know

Eventhoguh I have Bi Polar it dosnt mean you can be mean or do mean things then say that it is my Bi Polar and that is why I am the BAD ONE THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEMS WHEN I WORK HARD TO MAKE IT THOUGH A DAY LET ONLE PICK MY HEAD UP OFF THE PILLOW you have to love me not just parts of me it is so hard to explane I am not in it for the game the drama isnt welome here ...I am all that I am and that is all that I am

ON o Possitive Note here in the next few weeks maybe month or so I will be giving some very EXCITING news (No Im Not Preggers I Cant) but it will be worth the wait I have to do some resource I Cant Wait

Its Hubbys and my 19 year annnversy I will leave you with this pic

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