Wednesday, June 13, 2012

The Diffrence Between Brothers

I am going to be honest in this entry. I am going to bear my soul here in my lil space here. I have been married to my husband for 20 years next April. Through our 20 years of being married his brother has been a thorn in my side. I love him yes cause he is a part of my husband. To be honest with myself I have to admit here and now that I love to hate this guy truly. He is jellous of Ed and it is so right there in your face that its sicking. I will jot down a little back ground on this brother. He was (see that WAS ) in the union. He just recently has been put on perment lay off and had to turn in his tools. He was there with that union for years and years. He was demoted from a supervisior because he was a jerk all the time and let you know he is better the anyone out there. This brother has been through three marrages in the 20 years that Ed and I have been toghter. He is demeaning to anyone he comes in contact with and at any turn of his choosing he will cut you down. Yes this brother drinks, Yes he is an acholic :( The thing that I despise the most to be quite truthful. I was made to swim in my moms bottle my whole growing up life. I hate achol believe that! This brother made good money and told anyone who would listen that he has so much in the bank and savings and wallet and personal accounts. I am not lieing truly this is o up in your face as I can be. This brother constantly complanes and bitches about everything. He also talks down to you and makes you feel like you dont know anything and he knows all. He has always been jellous of Ed. Ed has been a non drinker for years and years. Ed has been able to maintain his marrage and owns his own house. Ed owns everything that he has and owes on nothing but his house. Ed has a abundance of love to share with anyone who he comes into contact with. Ed isnt rich by any means but he is very rich with love and that is alot more then his brother can say.

Then walk in my husband who is a total oppisate of his brother it is breath taking. The quilties that his brother lack Ed is more cautios of. Ed and I as I said above were rolling up on our 20th year married and were still going strong. We are in love and are best friends. We talk about everything we hang out toghter we work togther and we raise fur babies togther here on the ranch. Ed is wide open loving to anyone one that he comes into contact with. His heart is good and strong my husband helps anyone or any anmail that comes into contact with him. Ed puts a smile on your face for when he is around you bask in the realism (is that a word?) that Ed is so giving. This man is amazing he helps he loves he helps he goes out of his way for his family freinds strangers children anmails his love is boundless. I can say this I know I have been front rwo center watching as my husband has been there for his friends and family. To see him open up his home to countless people and try and help in any way that he could. He has supported people that he took in and never said a word about it nor would he think to. I have watched this brother love with out boundries. I watched him stop drinking to save our marrage 15 years ago and not get drunk since that time. I have watched as he will tell you his feelings in a way that your not able to fight with because it is so very real and raw. I have watched this brother go from having it all (as far as money goes ) to falling off a roof and being put on disabilty 19 years ago. He fell off the roof and broke his leg in a way that it cant be fixed and a ankel that is gravel. He is in pain every day I wish I could take it away from him. He never says a word about it he has no time for it. His work here in life with his heart keeps him busy. My husband isnt rich with money (and I wouldnt want to be ) he is rich in love, he is rich in realism, he is rich beyond what his brother could ever imange to be.

You see his brother wants to be big and rich the king of kings and he sets his life out to be that way. There is a vast difference in being rich with money and being rich with love. Money is made to be spent when you die you dont take it with you and everyone fights for it even if it isnt what is truly important in life. Sure money can buy you trinkets and toys but you get so much more in life with love then you do money.

I am the blessed one here I get the best brother. The brother that would never speak a harsh word to me even in anger. Ed is the brother who is loving kind accepting nuturing and loving who dosnt drink or think that the world owes him. Ed is the brother that I thank God for everyday for such a blessing of love. Ed is the brother that has taught me his love is boundless and the amount of emphthy that my husband has is mind blowing

Why did I write this ? Maybe one day my husband can come here and know by my words that I love him with every fiber of my being and that he is nothing like his brother he isnt a hateful spitful demaeaning drunk that his brother is!

Anthor reason I did this is because I have to be able to vent to get these flustrations about Eds brother with in my brian out. I cant keep them bottled up cause one day I just might say somthing to his brother if I dont I will bust on him when he picks and picks at me. I cant though cause Ed regaurdless of how his brother is he needs his brother in his life.

Im done with this tangent and feel like I am not going to pop brothers head like a big ol pimple now.... My lil space thank you for being what catches my emotions and thoughts for now they are all safly tucked away here.


Sunday, June 3, 2012

Its Been Awhile

Wow 2 whole years I have been gone from this lil place I created to come to and reflect upon whats going on in my life. What anmails have come or moved to greener pastures and who has had what baby and when. This blog is going to be of a diffrent nature now. This lil conor of mine will document my life on the ranch and all that happens along with it.

Maybe I will fill in some of the blanks that have been left here, if only for my own recall. I cant say that I havnt been using my time wisely. I am in my fouth semester of college and carring a B avarage. Thats huge for me I am learning disabled and it takes everything I have to keep that B. Last semester I made the honor roll ( I was so happy ). I have had some awsome teachers and some teachers that thier teaching style did not help me any at all.

I have been starting to do alot of planting not garden planting (the goats wouldnt allow that ) in the front  yard . Speaking of goats my lil girl Lily had her frist kid yesterday here on the Ranch. My husband and I were not home but Lily kidded just fine with out us ( I like to be here when the mommas kid ) it just makes it better. The babys name is Maryka Freedom Werbe yes it is a big name for such a small lil creature but shell grow into it.

My sister's dog Daisy who is a Shitztoo was bred to a Poodle and Daisy had Shitzapoos and I am the proud owner of one. Her name is Patches. She has not made it to the Ranch yet she still has two more shots to go. Parvo out here in Oz where I live is having a huge out break. I will not risk Patches getting Parvo or getting ill. Deago had Parvo and that was the hardest thing I have ever had to help fight in my life (other then Dianes fight for her life ) Deago is fine it took 12 days of Deago and I being on the floor IV fluids and force feeding but he is a healthy two year old baby.

Well since I will never have anthor puppy nor will I ever be able to have children ever. When I was gifted with Patches, My Mommy drive desire has taken over. A Patches Chariot has been made out of a stroller for my adorable baby. It has been blinged out and it has been recover and modified for my lil princess. Patches has a craddle and I am making matching bedding for it. Patches have been made for her I think we have 3 lol. I am serious Patches crib is personlized and painted. Then last night the idea was to make a Puppy Bag just a diaper bag and modified that for Patches as well. I cant wait to get the pics up of all the stuff that we are making for Patches. There are two people who make a huge imapct on this whole Patches spoiling with me. The laidies and I have been tossing around making a company out of this whole thing.

The Ranch is well on the way to going green. I have the most amazing husband! Here in the next few months we hope to be totally using solor power as well as wind power. My husband is building solor panales in our basement. We are raising chickens on the Ranch for not only the chicken but to share the eggs with family and friends as well as a few select teachers. We have some ducks but they are all boys I need to get some females for the Ranch for Duck Eggs are sooooooo good. I usally do not keep males that arnt altered here on the Ranch. Male goats are disqusting. My husband and I just traded our male goat out for a bottle fed baby that is a dwarf pigmy ...Pippi is such a sweet loving soul thats for sure. Thats with all bottle fed baby anything.

I am going to make it a point to change this journal up and come back alot more. I want to doucment our lifes and living on the Ranch and bringing awarness to all the diffrent causes that are near and dear to my heart. I want to record Patches life and Maryka life and thier adventures. A way of a baby book to a mother per say. I wont ever get to do it any other way then this way. I dont care what people think or say about me for I know that I fell off my rocker long ago. When your only dream in life that you have ever had is to be a mother and there is no mircle way for me to have a child adopt a child or foster a child. That is when you get me I go over board but over board could be a good thing in this case. Overboard might just be a gold mind I just never know ...

I say that maybe these fur babies have brought new hope a new flame burning with in my heart. I cant wait to start going out with Patches in her Chariot or her baskets. I cant wait to publish pics of Patches in her crib and her Puppy Bag as well. I know that people are going to want what Patches has. I know that if it is Gods will this Dream will take off like wild fire.

Now it is time for me to get off this box and go outside and soak up the Ranch life. Our 8 year old neice is here for a few days. I want to soak in her love and love her back just as much as she loves on me. She is so precious just precious and deserves alot more then she is given. It is time to get out there and make Lilys and Merykas pen for them now. Until then lil neglected blog of mine. I so promiss not to be two years before I return.