Angel Diane

Diane
How I miss you and how things are not the same with out you ...somehow I lost my zest for life I feel I fail you and cancer defeated me not only with you but with Daddy Don too ...Oh I know there are lots shaking thier heads saying how long will it take to bang into Pitas head that its not her fault ? well honestly iy dosnt matter cause that is the way I feel from day you took flight ...you and I had lots of plans lots of things we were going to do lots of things that we did do too ...How I wish we could of got a RV and went travling around the world ...How I wish we didnt have to deal with drama from the same people who give me drama and tell me that it is my fault that you died or that its my fault I kept you away from them ...stuiped ass people should know by now that no one could tell you what to do let alone how to do it ...your spirit was to strong and yes Diane you are BULL HEADED
Ive been doing alot of thinking latky and there are some memorys that just make me laugh and others that make me cry and then still other memorys that can still make me sick to my stomic ...it my have been 4 years but Diane I can rember your smell (Thanks to the perfume I have of yours ) I can rember your kirky attuide and I can rember the depth to your eyes I rember your voice and your heart I rember almost every lil detail about you ...and I never want to forget them details either
I bet you Eva will spit out her coffee on this one ...rember it was me you and Eva going for your chemo ...I do belive it was Evas frist time to Kansas ..and frist time to a Chemo ...well you and I were set with the nurses and Dr Khun lol I rember us telling Eva what a good looking man your docter was ...so when he walked in we asked him to bend over so that we could see his ass ...I can rember the 3 shades of PURPLE not red that Eva got ...she couldnt belive that you or I would ask your cancer docter to bend over ...to this day I dont understand why we wouldnt want to check Dr Khuns ass out (By the way ladies you can ask Eva Dis docter had the ass!!)
I also rember we were in the hospital oh I dont rember how long it was this time we spent so much time in the hospital toghter ..but you were getting ansy and didnt want to go out in a wheel chair ...so I got all your lines and you on top of the IV Pole (You were only 90 some pounds) and I took you out ...frist we started slowly then there was no holding us back we both had hospital fever we started doing tricks and wheelies (yes you can on a IV Pole ) we went down hills all over the hospital ...we were free (well as free as we could be at that time ) we were doing what we wanted to not what the docters or nurses wanted us to do ..at that time it was the only joy that we had in that hospital stay
I rember the wheelchair races as well how I would push you as fast as we could go and the wind running through our hair the smile on our faces and the laughter in our hearts ...then are the times that mean so much to me ..you and me making the best out of the cancer situation that we could ...we were always joking and laughing when you were well enough .. but there were scarey times too times I thought that I was losing you or times you were so sick I couldnt help you I needed help ...those are times that put a pit in my stomic and a hurtin on my heart ...those are the times that I truly feel defeated with you cancer
Di I miss all your docters and nurses too cancer sucks shit but let me tell you that I want to be in that world ...everyone loves everyone cares everyone works toghter to get where we need to be there is no judging there are no snickers there is so much support care and love that it makes the REAL WORLD seem lacking in so meany ways you know ? Just to jump in and work side by side with everyone would do for me (if only for an hour) how is it so that I miss this part of my life and treasure it so Di ?
I wish we could talk ...I have so much to talk to you about ...I need your out look and your opipon on things that are going on ...I need your insight I have been basically hiding not talking to no one not wanting to talk ...how did you get into my heart this way???? How is it that I have damn good friends but no one measures up to you ? How is it that I have a sister ( that I cant stand) but consider you my sosta from anthor mother ??? How is it that you got Daddy Don with you and I am left on this earth with out the 2 most infulental people in my life living it up in the streets of heaven ? Why did I get stuck down here with out you two here ( Its so unfair ) I know my days are numbered but what if I told you that I wish my number was up ....no I aint going to do anything to hurt myself I just want to see you !!!! Greedy I know but truly the way I feel !!! I have WONDERFUL friends that keep me grounded but Di they arnt you ..dose that make any sence ...
Di how was your valentines day ? mine was ok but I couldnt get you out of my mind ...I was working the Ranch and got tired and sat down with the goats wondering if you would be willing them to have thier babbies ...wondering if you would be telling me witch baby goat you wanted ? My mind drifted to all sorts of places and before I knew it Lady Di I was crying no sobbing ...the cancer taking you is so unfair ...it took you from all of us your family your girls and your grandbabies so so unfair ..you should be here ...but while I was with the goats crying I felt a lil whisp of air brush past me and I knew it was your butterfly kisses you promissed me...I FELT YOU !!!! I COULD SMELL YOU OVER THE GOATS !! it was as if you were wiping those tears away cause they wernt needed (as far as you would see )
Later on today I am going to be sending you some balloons to heaven you be looking for them OK they are two hearts ...it symbolizes my heart and yours the balloons will be tied together and hopfully arive to you togther ...I know youll like them thats forsure and thats all that matters to me
Even after 4 years your still freash in my memory and your thought of everyday Lady Di ...I try to keep your memory alive with in my life (Dont care about others that are nothing but problems to me ) today you left 4 years ago ...4 years ago my heart shattered and never has been the same ...nothing is the same nothing will ever be the same your not here
To all Diane Fans I would love your memorys of Diane and how she touched your life or changed you ..if you so feel inclined to send balloons send them to Daine she will love them and probelly share with the rest of our angels (Thats just her you had to really know Diane )
The other journal I wrote that you cant see right click your mouse and selet all and youll be able to read that post as well
Diane I love you forever Mostest and BESTEST you truly have changed me and my life for the better
Your Loving Pita
Missing you so much
Happy Angelversy Day I know you and Daddy will be celebrating !!!!! Can you give Daddy a big ol hug from me and tell him I miss him more then words can say

To all who read this blog I am waiting on my goats to have thier kids then I will blog on that until then here are some feelings from my heart

Pitas Out