Thursday, February 27, 2014

Ed just can't have cancer

Well it's been a long time since I've wrote on this lil blog of mine . This is the place I come and hide at let my emotions go for very few have access to this lil blog of mine.. I would of never thought that I would be coming here to say I'm scared, no I'm terrified and it's not for me it's for my husband Ed. It all started about three weeks ago Ed came down really sick and just wouldn't get better. I fought with him for weeks to go to the doctor , of course he fought me until the begining of this week. I finally got Ed into the doctors to find out his lungs sounded junky ( as the doctor said ) so he called for X-rays ...that night the doctor called himself and said Ed needed a cat scan right now so Ed went for the Cat scan ...they won't give us any results ..this is strange for Eds doctor always gives us results over the phone. The last we heard Ed had neoplasm spots on his lungs.

Everyone is telling me to be strong , everyone is telling me I'm jumping to conclusions but let me tell you I've been in the medical world most my life . I've been a personal care aide for 20 some years , I've worked with all sorts of doctors and I know how they drop the c word. I have taken care of people with cancer , I have been there for my soul sisters last breath on this earth. I have watched the ha ok that cancer had had on the person who has it and their loved ones. I have watched cancer rip family and friends apart .

My mind is going a million miles a minute , my heart is sitting in the pit of my stomic ...I have a horrible feeling deep inside. I am in disbelief . Ed have cancer ....oh how I hope pray and beg God to not let it be so . Ed is the most loving giving kind non judgemental person I know. How could this be so ?

If Ed dose have cancer he wants to fight it. He dosnt wan to leave me ? What oh what have I done to be lived so much by my wonderful husband ? I love this man with my whole heart and soul , he is my everything. Why couldn't this be me ?

Oh god in heaven hear our crys and prayers ! Put a hedge of protection around Ed and give his doctors the knowledge to help Ed heal in your precious name amen !

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