Monday, November 1, 2010

Catching Up With You

Well well well it has been quite awhile since I have been here to blog land ..I think I kinda shut down for a lil while ..there has been alot that has happened since I last blogged anywhere . Sure I keep up with all my blogs I follow and send happy mail out but that is about it !
I have yet again lost a client to cancer :( T is in the nursing home getting ready to do treatment ( there dosnt seem to be much hope ) I have fallen and really did a number on my ankel it has been 3 months and it is still swollen and hurting real bad ! I dont know if I am going to have to have surgery or not (I will come and let you know ) as of right now I am in a 1/2 boot cast for 6 weeks with a EMG on the 23 to see if there is nerve damage or not ....
Ed (My wonderful hubby ) and I have not went any further with adoption is still talked about (ALOT) but right now it isnt feesable for us ...(its gods time )
Ed has been accepted into College ! Im so proud of him this is HUGE ..he is going for computers and I am waiting on my w-2 to take to college and get my classes I can start my journey to going to school to be a councler :) hopfully it will come in this week :)
Here on the ranch all my girl goats are getting ready to have babies ..Kandy Kamel (her pic is down the line of post ..Chiva being my smallest goat (who is TINY TINY ) and Tootie Mea is alos about to pop (Tootie is Kandis frist baby ) I am over the moon with the goats ...
We lost Lucy our one eyed duck we dont know if she flew off or if a wild anmail got her :( I have been having this one dream over and over again that Lucy flies home to us and all is grand I hope and prey that she is ok ...she is a percious gift of Eds and mine and we can hardly stand her being gone away from us ..but she was also wild (shes a mallard ) and if gods plan is to have her free then that is the way that it is ...even though we miss her lots we both believe that our girl is flying high in gods skys
We also lost Duddy his eye got worse and worse and infection traveled to his brain :( there was nothing that we were able to do the vets dont really care for domisic ducks they rather put them down break your heart and tell you to get anthor ..Ed and I gave Duddy our all but God desided that he needed him in heaven more then we needed him here he went to heaven our heart breaking suprize
We did go get anthor duck .....Dobbie then we resuced a duck from some kids that were running around holding the ducks neck ..her name is Baby ..Dobbie and Baby hooked up toghter and are best friends and hang out in the duck pen together
I have had probelms with my husband family disrepecting me badly very badly but Eds sister sat and wrote Ed a letter so I wrote her back (Ed is in no way close to his family at all ) I told her of all of the happenings on the ranch and what Ed has been doing ..that got me to thinking HARD..if Eds sister sat down to write Ed a letter and tell him what was going on then it was up to me to stand up and do a reply letter to her turn got me thinking about Eds brother and the way that I have let Ed stay away from his brother for my selfish perpouse and gain ..Now Eds brother has said horrable things to me just horrable and I let it keep Ed from his brother . Regaurdless of anything Ed has a brother and Ed chose me there is nothing that either I or the brother could change so I have been pushing Ed I even went to his brothers house ..this is uncharted waters that have burned me before I am not going to just jump into it ..I will not tell him I love him or anything I will support the realtionship of the brothers nothing more ...I do not want to be told I am not a woman nor family I gave no children again I wont set myself up to fail nor will I allow anything to enter my heart on brothers or wifes side ..I mean it was 2 1/2 years that we didnt inner act with them ..I was content but it is not about me it is about realtionships beyond anything is to short to walk around with the grudge in the heart to be happy that a family is broken is wrong so wrong not to step up to fix it would be PATHIC (even when there is so much disrespect that it reeks ) I ask for nothing other then for Ed to be involved in his familys life to soak up thier love and interact ..with the potental to burn I am scared but I must press on push Ed to be in thier lives ....
Couple of months back I went to Vi to travel with a deer friend was a wonderful drive the beatuy from here to Vi is AMAZING (gods gift ) I was so frazzeled to enjoy it fully and I missed out is hard to put all this out for you all to read ...but maybe some one out there is having the same things go on or maybe not may they need to read the trails to see that there lives my be wonky but the next person is muddling through stuff too ...
To tell you what keeps me sane ??? well since I stopped all head meds and deal with Bi Polar head on and my anixty head on ..I have my girl friends come over and we do crafts to send across the miles to our adoption friends our cancer warriors we so lovely support to out CF friends to our blind friends to our MS friends we send every last thing we do to any of them plus our FB pals ...when I am doing for others I feel so full so fufilled .. when us ladies know that our crafts go across the miles and bring smiles it makes everything so worth it ..bonus I get to spend time with ladies that are near and dear to my heart and share the love with them is better then any pill or any doctor out there life there comes a time where you have to grab life by nose and face it head on

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